8 ways a Narcissist behaves like a Child

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If you are or have been in a relationship with a narcissist you will have noticed that they behave very much like children. In many ways, narcissists process information and the world around them the way children do. The reason behind this is because at a certain age (probably between ages 0-6) their emotional development was stunted and they never matured with appropriate emotional intelligence. This was probably often to do with some trauma suffered through neglect or abuse. So they were never able to mature emotionally.

Here are the following ways that Narcissists behave like children:
1. Toddlers and babies are unable to take care of their emotional and physical needs. They cry and act up if their needs are not met. Babies will cry and will not stop, if they’re hungry, angry or uncomfortable, they don’t care if you’re busy, or you’re sick, they want attention right now. Babies lack empathy and compassion because they have not the emotional capability to discern/understand this and act on it. This is the same with a narcissist. They want their needs met now, just like children, they don’t care whether you’re busy or unavailable or sick. Narcissists do not recognise, understand or consider other people’s needs, only their own, just like little children.

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2. Children are proficient liars. They can be caught red handed with chocolate all over their mouth and they will flat out lie that they never took the chocolate or that their sibling/friend made them do it. The narcissist will do the same thing. Narcissists are pathological liars, they will lie to get what they want and also to avoid blame at all costs. Sometimes their lies are so blatantly obvious, but with a poker face they will convince you that they are telling the truth. They will lie, even when the truth would be make them look better.
3. Children love being the centre of attention and can became very jealous if they feel attention is on another child. That’s why parents when they’re having another baby are encouraged to engage their child in the process so they do not feel jealous of the newborn baby. Children believe and behave as if the whole world revolves around them and everyone has to fit into their world and their world view. They view the world as one dimensional and believe that their parents/caregivers are extensions of themselves. This is the same with narcissists, they believe that their partners are extensions of themselves and not separate individuals with their own needs and feelings. Narcissists are attention whores and and have an obsessive need to be acknowledged at all times.

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4. Smear campaigns, gas lighting (lying), flying monkeys are all behaviour that children display in the playground. They scheme and manipulate friends to stop talking to someone they don’t like at that particular time. Children engage in manipulation, blame shifting, projection, entitlement, etc in order to survive and interact with their world because emotional intelligence in a child hasn’t developed and neither has a narcs. Narcissists, of course are masters of these tactics, as they have never grown out of it.
5. Children are naturally impulsive and will do things without thinking about the consequences, they will do things they feel good about. Narcissists are the same, they exhibit very reckless behaviour, they will do things that make them feel good regardless of the consequences, irrespective of the feelings of others. They often display a total disregard for social laws and morality and have no respect for boundaries.
6. Children will sulk or go into tantrums if they don’t get want they want. Narcissists will do the same, I’ve actually seen a narcissist jump up and down in a rage and go into a hissy fit! Absolutely hilarious if it wasn’t so disturbing!

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7. Children are great at creating and inventing fairytale stories about themselves, with imaginary friends and worlds, they do get quite engrossed in it. Narcissists whole life is a fantasy, a false reality, they are delusional, and their whole life is a fabrication of which they are the lead actor/hero, which again is very much like children.
8. Young children can’t tell, the difference between wants and needs. The child believes that he needs some chocolate but really he just desires or wants some chocolate. They narcissist cannot tell the difference between want and need, and just like children, they get very angry when they don’t get what they want. They erupt into a rage when they believe that their needs have not been provided for. They cannot wait for something, they have to have it immediately whether they can afford it or not. They want instant gratification just like a child and are often involved in ‘get rich quick’ schemes. Children will take things that are not theirs and claim it as their own, narcissists will do the same. Narcissists don’t understand boundaries either just like children.

Narcissists are simply unable to view the world as normal people do. Like a child, no matter how much you logically explain there is no boogie man in the closet, they will still have that fear (delusion of reality). This the way a narcs mind works. The difference between the narcissist and a child is that a child will grow out of these childish stages and acquire emotional intelligence. The narcissist never does. So basically, narcissist are just toddlers in adult bodies. They are like emotional toddlers living in an complicated adult world they cannot relate to.

How To Avoid Being Involved With A Narcissist.

There are some tips and signs to look out for when dating to save you from getting involved with a narcissist. These warning signs will help you avoid a harrowing and toxic relationship that can cost you your peace and self confidence. Knowing what I know now about narcissism, I wish I knew what to look out look for when I was dating. I believe that all people especially young people should be educated and informed before dating so as to avoid toxic and harmful relationships.

Because the narcissist is very good at concealing his true character, especially covert narcissist, you have to be extra vigilant. But you should be able to spot some signs after a few dates if you really look out for them.

The first thing you need to be aware of is not to just jump deep into any relationship. Take your time and really get to know the person. Some narcissists are notorious for rushing the relationship; within the first few dates, he’s already talking about getting married to you and starting a family. I know for some women that might be exciting for you to have a person who seems to want all the things you want, however that does seem to be too soon on just a few dates. You have to ask the question, why the rush? The narcissist wants to tie you down quickly because it’s much harder to leave him if you’re married with kids. One minute you’re dating ‘the sweetest guy’ and the next minute you’re married to a monster!

Don’t give too much information about yourself. The narcissist will want to know all about you. What he’s fishing for are weaknesses and vulnerabilities that he can take advantage of. When asked about yourself, give general vague answers, don’t be too specific, change the subject and ask about him. Narcissists do like to talk about themselves, ( they’re very self centred people) exaggerate their achievements and boast about themselves. Since they like to monopolise conversations try and find out about him and his former relationships with other women, his relationships with his family, mother, father, sisters, brothers. They might be evasive about their past and may bring the subject back to you again or entirely change the subject. I didn’t get to know all about my husband’s past until we got married, it was a source of shame for him. He told me he was ashamed of his past and his family. Find out who he’s living with and find out from them what he’s really like, or friends and family.

Does he stare at every attractive female that enters the room? That could be an indication that he might be a womaniser or that he is a narcissist searching for potential new narcissistic supply. Either way, you don’t want to hang around with this one! My husband without fail, always stares at every attractive black female when he’s with me, but will avoid it if we’re with other people.

Watch closely his responses. Does he seem to crave attention, does he get upset when your attention is elsewhere or when you’re talking to another male maybe one of your friends? Narcissists are very jealous people and hate not being the centre of attention, they will visibly get very upset. Watch how he relates and reacts to your male friends. Although some males might be slightly will be jealous, a narcissist will be very jealous, their responses are more extreme and over the top than normal people.

Is he extremely sensitive to any perceived criticism? Narcissists are very arrogant and will react against any critique as their fragile ego has been dealt a blow (narcissistic injury).

Does he stare or look closely at every attractive female that enters the room? Most will do this unless they’ve trained themselves to avoid it when dating.

In conversations with your date, do you find that he seems to blame every failure, weakness on other people? He doesn’t seem to accept responsibility or fault for anything. Narcissists are known fault-finders and blame-shifters.

Does he respect your boundaries, does he call you at ungodly hours, or visit you unexpectedly, and expect you to leave everything you’re doing to go out with him? Does he insist on knowing where you are or who you’re with all the time? Narcissists will not respect your boundaries or rules and regulations. They like to enforce rules but will not abide by them, because they consider themselves ‘special’ and above everyone else!! They can do whatever they want, but you can’t! If that’s the situation with you…run!

Is he very sensitive to any perceived criticism or slight and suddenly become quite upset and angry? He will make fun of other people’ but don’t ever make fun of him; he does not take personal jokes about him lightly. Does he become uncomfortable with personal jokes levelled at him, but likes to make fun of other people? Narcissists have a sense of humour when other people are the butt of his jokes, but turn it the other way around and it’s no longer funny.

Does he treat waitresses/ waiters very rudely and is not courteous, but condescending? Narcissists view themselves as superior and regard waiters beneath them and should be treated accordingly.

Learn to read your date’s body language. Does he mimic or mirror your movements? Based on research, psychologists have established that a narcissist because he does not have empathy, cannot copy or mirror your gestures e.g. like yawning, touching your forehead, picking up your cup. If the person doesn’t mirror you or hardly at all this is an indication he is a narcissist. Mirroring is a sign of empathy and Narcissist lacks this emotion.

And lastly, trust your instincts and intuition, if you feel that something is not right about the person your dating, then you’re probably right…get out quickly!

How the Narcissist uses Triangulation on People

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“His speech is smooth as butter, yet war is in his heart; his words are more soothing than oil, yet they are drawn swords.” (Psalms 55:21)

Triangulation is a manipulative tactic the narcissist uses to create drama or conflict involving three people. A common example would be the narcissist, his wife and another female, maybe the girlfriend. What would happen is that the narcissist would pitch one against the other. It might be a situation where all three go out to dinner and the narcissist would be more attentive to the other female and would almost completely ignore the wife.
He would pay compliments to the female and express awe at the other female’s accomplishments making the wife feel unattractive, insecure, uncomfortable and jealous. After the dinner, the wife would discuss her feelings with the husband and he would dismiss it and claim that she is misreading the situation or is jealous. The goal for the narcissist is to cause the wife to develop low self esteem, insecurities and jealousy.

I have had to counsel wives whose husbands have behaved in the above manner. It’s  an emotionally destructive and manipulative act designed to devalue and invalidate the partner.

Another instance of triangulation is the narcissist uses another person against the victim. For example, a if there is a disagreement between a narcissist and his victim, the narcissist will say that he spoke to someone else and they agree with him. Usually the other person is someone whom the victim holds in high esteem or respect. The narcissist obviously would be lying, but his victim is unaware of this and concedes the disagreement to the narcissist. In short the narcissist wins the argument.

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What the narcissist will also do is tell his girlfriend that he is no longer in love with his wife and that the wife does not understand him like she does. He will be feeding the girlfriend lies and everything she wants to hear. The girlfriend gets sucked into his lies. And then when he’s bored or the relationship starts to fizzle out, to spike things up he would abruptly discontinue his relationship with the girlfriend and go back to the wife. And he starts feeding the wife lies and stories about the girlfriend and the girlfriend starts begging him to come back. And it goes back and forth; a cycle of abuse, with the narcissist in control of the women’s emotions.

The ultimate goal of the narcissist is to create conflict between two people, to control and gain attention(supply). They take pleasure at people’s hurt feelings. They have no empathy or compassion for others. The best remedy against these tactics is to ignore their actions. They want attention and supply so deny them any whatsoever.