What’s the best revenge against a narcissist? Well, let’s first of all look at the common behavioural traits of a narcissist:
- The sense of entitlement, wanting to be recognized for accomplishments they didn’t achieve.
- Control freak, not happy unless they are in control of someone or something.
- Manipulation and deception to try and be on top or in charge or to get what they want.
- Lack of accountability for wrong actions.
- Exaggerating achievements in order to impress people.
- Attention and admiration from people, especially people he respects and admires.
- Grandiose sense of self importance (e.g exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognised as superior without commensurate achievements).
- A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
- Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).
- Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends.
- Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognise or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
- Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her.
- Shows arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes.
1.Now if we want to get revenge on a narcissist, just be every thing that they are not. They lack empathy, be compassionate. They are proud and self entitled, learn to practice humility. Being everything that they are not. Being kind, loving, appreciative, compassionate, caring etc.
Now the thing is, you’re not so much doing this to spite them but you’re practicing these attributes because that is what you should be doing as a Christian. As a Christian, you should not focus on revenge as the Bible says, ‘Vengeance is mine, says the Lord, I will repay.’ Our focus should be on being more Christ-like and being the best version of ourselves, and that includes being everything they are not.
2. Focus on yourself and not them. Narcissists are notorious for wanting attention, they can’t live without it. They are dependent upon other people to supply them validation and attention. You are not so dependent. It’s true we do need people as we are social beings, but our livelihood and whole life is not 100% dependent upon it like the narcissist. It’s very funny because they claim to be superior and yet they are dependent on other people! Make it make sense! Delusional human beings. Anyway, like I said, focus on you, your healing., your wholeness. If you need therapy, then go get it, counseling, then go get it, if you need prayers, deliverance etc. Whatever you need, go get it. You be in control of your own life and focus on becoming whole and well.
3. Learn to rediscover yourself, your life has been so intertwined with that of the narcissist you don’t know who you are anymore. You’ve been focused on doing what he wants, trying to please him etc. Focus on rediscovering what you like, what you desire, your goals, your future. Pursue your own interests, hobbies, the ones he made you give up, so you could spend more time on pleasing him (what a black hole that was!).
For a long time you’ve being doing what he wants you to do. Now you’re going to do what you want to do. Reconnect with your friends and family that he tried to isolate you from. Regain normality in your life.
4. Forgive them and pray for them. I know this is going to be difficult after all the things he has done to you. But the Bible is very clear, that we need to forgive, so that our Father in heaven will forgive us. The Bible also says in Matthew 5 ,“But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.” Matthew 5: 44-48
5. The best revenge would be you, living your best life. You, living in joy, peace and stability. You, achieving your goals, one by one. You, understanding how valuable you truly are and living in that truth. God elevating and promoting you and all your needs and desires being met by Almighty God.
You, being all the things the narcissist wants and desires but cannot achieve. You, getting all the accolades, all the attention and admiration that the narcissist craves, from all the people he admires and holds respect for; You are now gaining their respect and admiration.
When you move into a season of blessings and growth, (trust me it will come, you didn’t go through this trauma for nothing) and the Lord begins to elevate and promote you. Your light begins to shine as the glory of the Lord is risen upon you (Isaiah 60:1) People from nowhere start to celebrate you.
Moving in the circles of the people he respects and admires, but he does not have access to those same circles of influence. The narcissist, seeing that other people value you and your input in their lives, even when he didn’t. When he went on a whole smear campaign to try and ruin your character and reputation and people threw it back in his face and were defending you and not believing him. And they see you excelling, they have a front row seat to see your success and they hate it because they feel that should be them. “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over.” Psalms 23:5 NKJV.
Him, begging you to help him to be acknowledged by those same people. You are doing what you can to help as being around such people doesn’t really mean that much to you as it does to him.
6. Your family and friends now realizing that the narcissist was the problem all along, and people praising God for your life and thanking God that you were delivered from such evil.
7. You, being fit and healthy and his abuse no longer having any impact on your life. The narcissist realizing he no longer has control over your life, you have set boundaries, which are enforced. You, feeling sorry for the narcissist because you’re achieving more than he could ever dream possible. You, focused on achieving your goals with supernatural ease and sweat-less victory because of the favour of God upon your life. The Lord knows what you went through and just like Joseph in the Bible, he went through trauma and tribulations and God brought him through it, and turned it all around for him. He became a winner, and not a victim, because of the favour of the Lord upon him. That favour is upon you also; Isaiah 60:1 Arise, shine for your light has come and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you!