(Contd from Signs and Symptoms of People dealing with Rejection Issues (Part One) )
3. People dealing with rejection issues can be extremely defensive, they don’t like to be corrected, they always have a comeback, always have to have the last word. They are extremely competitive and can be jealous of other people’s achievements, and are never satisfied with where they are in life. Because they want to be bigger and better than everybody else, as then they will receive acceptance, approval and validation. They believe their identity is wrapped up in their performance which explains their extremely driven nature. They are high achievers. Like I said before, they go out of their way to please people and when it’s not reciprocated they withdraw feeling used and abused. Then they meet new friends or reconcile with old ones and the cycle of ‘cleaving and leaving’ continues.
4. Some people with rejection issues do not trust anyone. They keep everyone at arms length, they create a wall of resistance and they don’t let anyone through, or let anyone into their heart for fear of being hurt. They do not have really intimate relationships because of fear of rejection. They relate to people on a superficial level, they withdraw from anything too deep. If it starts to get intense, they will do a runner, that is they leave the relationship. It’s like I’ll leave you before you leave me. They’re always pushing people away, they don’t want to be hurt, they don’t want to be rejected. It’s too painful for them and it reminds them of the past hurts.
5.This person is always angry, angry with people, angry with life. There is a deep rooted resentment and bitterness that comes up when there is some form of conflict with someone. They go from 0 to 100 at the slightest perceived provocation. Or they will engineer conflict so that they can verbally or physically attack someone. It’s almost like they want to hurt someone as much as they are hurting. They also rebel against authority and do not like to conform to societies rules. They are extremely opinionated, and they don’t have patience with others who express views contrary to their own. They misread or misrepresent intentions, that is, someone may say something and they will feel you’re attacking or saying something demeaning about them. I remember a friend of mine who was complaining about a person in her church, who was always offended with whatever topic she was preaching, because she thought the pastor was referring or talking about her. My friend had spent time with this person to help her work through her problems, but it seems like she was still struggling with some issues.
6. These people are quiet and sensitive, they hold things in and don’t speak out. They never speak their mind because they don’t want to be judged or rejected by anybody. If someone does something to them, they will hold it in and not say anything, person does something else again and again, they will hold in until someone does something trivial to them and then they let it all out- like an avalanche. Very judgemental and they judge themselves a lot. For example, if they say hello to someone and the person didn’t reply, they begin to think, and think, and think about what they did to that person, they won’t let it go ( I used to be like this – actually I’m still like this!) in their mind, they will think about the last time they talked to that person, ‘maybe I was rude, or wasn’t listening that’s why she didn’t greet me?’ Maybe the person didn’t even hear the greeting at all or was distracted by someone else that’s why she didn’t respond.
All these symptoms have to do with a faulty belief system. What you believe about yourself, you will eventually become. Proverbs 23:7. For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. This is what the bible says, what it means is that the way you think about yourself is what you will eventually become. These people have believed a lie and it is affecting their life, their relationships, their career. So how can a person overcome the obstacles and hindrances that rejection brings? I would like to address that in my next blog. Stay tuned!